In Which I Have Emotions...(and it's icky and uncomfortable for everyone)

Hey there, gang.

It's been quite some time since my last text post but I'm bored, I have the urge to write, and Facebook stalking has lost its glitter. Heads up, this is a rather personal post so if that’s not your deal keep clicking internet buttons and go youtube cat videos instead because I am giving myself permission to write in here and I'm not going to apologise for it. YOU CANNOT STOP ME. I DO WAHT I WANT.

I wanna talk serious for a second. Fo real.

*ahem*

Lately, I have been feeling lonely. And not the usual run-of-the-mill kind of loneliness that seems to abate with a fragrant cup of tea and a good film. This is the kind of loneliness with HORNS, one that penetrates every facet of one’s existence. And, well, it’s getting to be a problem because I'm finding it incredibly uncomfortable.

I seem to have found myself in a weird stage of life - through life circumstances (my own and others) and behaviours (my own and others) - where I am spending most of my time only in my own company. It's like I’m a significantly less awesome version of Amelié. I am not dressing up like Zorro, going on cool adventures, or turning the head of an adorable Frenchman. In this trite real-life adaptation, I spend my time flitting from unsuccessful distraction to unsuccessful distraction and I constantly feel like I’m drowning. Definitely not a best-seller.

Let me give you a couple of sad examples...

• I log onto IM: no one is online...except, maybe, a girl I went to high school with but our conversations never seem to develop past 'Hi, how are you?' Although, there was that one time I thought someone new added me but they were just a Spam Bot. I relished every time I happened to use the word 'real' in that 'conversation' because the bot would immediately respond with 'i am real'. Endless fun.
• No Tumblr responses. No one even knows I have a Tumblr, come to think. Actually, I probably want to keep it that way. Okay, scrap this one.
• No Twitter responses. Kinda get the feeling I'm annoying on there. Only porn stars seem to follow me.
• No Facebook messages/posts/whatevers. And that's just sad because I actually know some of the people on there. IRL.
• I barely text a living soul. I have a reasonable amount of credit per month but let's just say if that if my credit was a bowl full of jelly, I would have eaten about two teaspoons by the end of the month. Does that even make sense....

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I know you're thinking one of two things: STFU or why don't YOU take the initiative and talk to someone or ask someone to do something instead. But I do, internet. I do...but am rejected, almost always (says Loser Sally).

I’m working hard on accepting that this is a phase of my life but the magic of acceptance hasn't hit me yet. The aching feeling has not gone away and I'm finding it difficult to remain positive in order to ride it out.

So consider this my 'Britney Spears Shaves Her Head Moment'. This is my cry for help. If you have any ideas or words of wisdom, throw them my way. I will gladly accept them.

Thank you for letting me whine. I recognise that this is a uninteresting shade of my personality but I appreciate it if you read it anyway. Here, have a picture of a mouse with a teeny tiny musical instrument.